Stanley Rubix

The new Rock Band 2 game is set for release in September exclusively on Xbox 360. The game will feature two exciting new aspects. Groupies have been added for a real life experience, as have various one year supplies of drugs.

Upon hearing the 35 pages of crimes committed by Bush, Pelosi and Reid fell into hysterical laughter at the prospect that any Congressman or Senator would pretend to do their jobs.

The National Spelling Bee was winding down, and all that was left for little Ali Haji Shiek was to correctly spell the word spell. Whether the pressure was too high, or he was just sick of spelling for the day, Haji Shiek missed the word and Barbara Spelleverything Right became this year's champion.

American Idol Winner David Cook is under investigation for crashing the iTunes servers on Thursday. The company reported that Cook downloaded his winning song performance over 200,000 times.

The Ford Motor Company, after demolishing all of their gas run vehicle lines, was declared a terrorist group by the Bush administration. Many believe Ford moving to wind and solar powered vehicles to be a strong positive move, the current administration doesn't.

The American Heart Association today announced that everyone with high blood pressure should have a monitoring machine in their house. They also say that all Americans should have wax on hand at all times.

John McCain today told Ellen DeGeneres that she does not believe she should marry Portia de Rossi because it would be the same thing as her marrying a mule. De Rossi, on the hand, swears she is human, not a mule.

Kristi Yamaguchi was prepared to become this season's winner on Dancing With The Stars. Moments before she was to be crowned, however, she was disqualified from the competition for using ice skates on the dance floor.

George Lucas announced today that Indiana Jones is as big as Jesus Christ was in his day. He went so far to call the ficticious character the new ruler of the old world.

Syesha Mercado was voted off of of American Idol last week. Now, a survey that has been conducted claims voters did not vote for her due to her awful breath.